Friday, June 18, 2010

emotions and changes ahead

There are changes coming up ahead. Changes that I am excited for and at the same time afraid of. So I’m not going to go into any details about what is going on because I'm afraid to get my hopes up last time I got really excited for something everything crashed around me I can't risk that again so instead I'll just say that there is some big news that I will hopefully be able to share in time. There are many people who know what is going on so it’s not like it’s a big secret. It’s just the less I make a big deal over things and the less I build it up the less chance of crashing if something doesn’t work out right. Emotions are scary for me the part of my brain that was affected by the stroke Is the part that would help me control my emotions so now everything that I'm feeling lives just below the surface and without warning can take me over There is very little control left.
if something makes me sad I become overwhelmed with sadness the same with anger So for now I'm going to try to keep my emotions guarded for fear that the next time something goes wrong I will not be able to stay in control of my emotions So for now I’m working on Happiness. With the hope that by overwhelming myself with positive emotions I won’t have as much room for negative ones. Also by confronting what hurts me and trying to limit the amount of negativity and pain created by those around me There is a certain amount of “fake it till you make it going on around here” If I just keep believing that I’m happy and ok then maybe I will start actually being happy and ok. There can’t be too much happiness or too much love so if I have to be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings I choose those ones.

So I’m going to stop and focus on whar can go right and hope that everything falls into place

I will keep everyone updated as I feel comfortable sharing.

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