Wednesday, July 7, 2010

shifting gears

Now I know this blog gets a little dark and down in mood sometimes. Before all this happened this year I had the tendency to view my glass as half empty all the time. I saw things with the opposite of rose colored glasses. I was probably dealing with some mild depression but didn’t realize it or want to accept it. Now it’s uncontrollable. The emotions are just there. Emotions bubbling right below the surface ready to escape at any moment. All different types of emotions. Without warning here comes anger, hot raging explosive anger. Then here come the tears. Gut wrenching sobs that make my head hurt from crying so hard, although a good cry sometimes helps relieve the pressure. I can’t stop though the tears aren’t in my power to control. The depression is there now. It isn’t even possible to hide or deny now But really I don’t care. I have reasons to be depressed. Though the level to which I am sometimes worries me. Hopefully my brain will continue to heal and my emotions will get easier to control. Until then I will keep trying to find a therapist who works and the right dosage of anti-depressants. I’m also trying to find good emotions. I f I’m going to be over powered by an emotion then lets pick some new ones. How about happiness, love, excitement, I can handle intense bouts of love. So now my new focus is to make posts about what I’m happy about instead of what’s wrong. At this point picking out what’s bad is too easy I can find plenty to complain about, as can most people I’ve realized. Instead I will break up the negative with some positive. Here we go

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