Monday, August 30, 2010

what I've discovered.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted but I’m trying to get some perspective on why the stroke happened, what it will change in me and how to go forward from here. I’ve been stuck for a long time now going through the motions but not really living for a long time. I have to believe this all happened for a reason and someday I will look back and know what I learned and what I’ve gained during these years of recovery. So far this is what I’ve got. The stroke saved my marriage. This would have been the year I got a divorce. We had strayed so far off course that we couldn’t get back. I was running running every day but getting no closer to Blake. We knew things were bad but couldn’t seem to do anything about it. We needed our lives to explode so we could see if we could put things back together and somehow we are starting to. I hope that the future has us stronger and more connected than ever. But it was this year that started it.
I’ve also discovered a backbone in myself that’s never been there before. I have discovered how to stand up for myself which I’ve never done before. I’ve realized that there is some fight in me and I will take out whoever is in my way of getting better. I’m still sensitive but I’m beginning to discover that I have to be just as worried about my feelings as I am about everyone else’s.
I hope there’s more and that things get better from this point forward.

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